How to Accept Hair Loss: The Truth about Alopecia Acceptance
In this post, we’ll discuss what truly accepting hair loss looks like — and how to accept hair loss in a real, human way. One of my biggest pet peeves as a therapist is when people talk about acceptance inaccurately. Social media often paints the picture that acceptance means loving yourself 24/7 and never feeling upset… because how dare we, as human beings, ever have negative feelings! Especially when we’re going through something as life-changing as Alopecia.
Whether you’re trying to learn how to accept balding at a young age, navigate a sudden Alopecia Areata diagnosis, or anything in between, acceptance is one of the most valuable skills you can develop.
The Truth About Acceptance
First, let’s talk about what real acceptance actually is — not just when it comes to Alopecia, but in life in general.
Myth: Many people believe that unless they feel positively about what’s happening in their life, they haven’t accepted it yet. This is one of the biggest misunderstandings. Acceptance has nothing to do with how many positive feelings you have about a situation.
Truth: Real acceptance is about allowing yourself to experience all emotions without judgment or shame. It means becoming a nonjudgmental observer of your thoughts and feelings and letting go of what’s beyond your control.
Of course, this is much easier said than done. Practicing acceptance in this way can be incredibly difficult. The good news is that acceptance is a skill — and like any skill, it can be practiced and learned.
A helpful framework for this is Radical Acceptance, a concept from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Radical Acceptance is a distress tolerance skill designed to prevent pain from turning into suffering. While we can’t control whether we experience pain, we can control whether we turn that pain into suffering. When we resist or fight against our current reality, that’s when suffering begins.
It’s also important to recognize that resistance to acceptance often has deep roots. Sometimes it’s not even conscious, which is why exploring these patterns in therapy or with a professional can be so valuable.
Accepting Alopecia
Accepting Alopecia in a world that shames, stigmatizes, and devalues people with hair loss is hard. Especially at the beginning of your hair loss journey, it’s natural to resist your new reality. We’re constantly told that hair loss is something terrible or unattractive that needs to be “fixed,” so of course our first reaction is to grasp for any control we can find.
It’s also important to understand that resisting reality is not the same as trying treatments or wearing wigs. Acceptance and exploring options like wigs or medical treatments can exist together. In fact, I believe they often should coexist to help manage the unpredictability that comes with Alopecia.
A common misconception is that acceptance means you must never cover your hair loss and must always feel positive about it. I don’t know about you, but that sounds exhausting — and unrealistic, given the stigma we face.
Acceptance looks different for everyone. You cannot tell if someone has “accepted” their hair loss just by looking at them. For some people, acceptance includes wigs; for others, it doesn’t. For some, acceptance involves trying treatments; for others, it means stopping them.
The key questions to ask yourself are:
Am I trying to change or deny my current reality?
Am I judging or shaming myself for my emotions?
Signs of Resistance vs. Radical Acceptance
Examples of resistance (pushing pain into suffering):
“I can’t believe this is happening to me and no one else.”
“I’m so mad at myself for letting Alopecia make me feel upset again.”
“This will never get easier, and I’m going to hate it forever.”
“I’m ugly and will never find love or love myself this way.”
“This medication is my last resort for finding peace.”
Examples of radical acceptance (allowing pain without turning it into suffering):
“This experience is harder because I don’t know anyone else going through it. That makes a lot of sense.”
“Losing my hair is understandably upsetting. It was part of my identity, and I’m allowed to feel angry about it.”
“Being mean to myself hasn’t helped. This is really hard, but I’ve done many hard things before.”
“It’s hard to love myself right now because I see a different person in the mirror. I’ll give myself time and compassion.”
“This medication may or may not work. If it doesn’t, that will be devastating — but I’ll take things one step at a time.”
What If I Have Moments of Suffering?
If you find yourself feeling stuck in the heavy emotions that come with Alopecia, that’s okay. Acceptance isn’t an on-and-off switch — it’s an ongoing practice.
You’ll know your “acceptance muscle” is getting stronger when you can recognize a moment of suffering, let yourself feel it fully, and then use your coping skills to move forward rather than stay stuck.
That’s the essence of how to accept hair loss — allowing space for both pain and compassion to exist at the same time.
Remember, this process takes time. It involves practice, reflection, processing, and a lot of self-compassion. Sending big hugs to everyone in our community who is walking this journey right now.
If you’re looking for support as you explore acceptance, we offer several ways hair loss specific resources:
1:1 Coaching: Personalized coaching sessions for anyone with hair loss worldwide
Therapy: For clients located in New York
Therapeutic Journals: Sometimes the first step is simply gaining a deeper understanding of your feelings (we offer a therapeutic journal specific to hair loss and more general journals)
